Say Hello to Miss Amygdala (and the Nervous System She Alerts)

By Kristin Cronin Boone

At the center of your brain’s protective system is a tiny almond-shaped structure called the amygdala—or, as I like to call her, Miss Amygdala. She’s your internal alarm system, constantly scanning your surroundings and asking one crucial question: Am I safe, or not safe?

She’s fast. Incredibly fast. So fast, in fact, that she often triggers a reaction before your thinking brain even gets involved. That’s why you might lash out, shut down, or feel defensive in moments that don’t seem like “a big deal.” Miss Amygdala isn’t interested in nuance—her job is survival.

What Counts as a Threat?

Your nervous system evolved to respond to danger quickly and automatically. But here’s the catch: it can’t always tell the difference between a life-threatening event and everyday stress. A tense conversation, an overwhelming to-do list, or a moment of rejection can activate the same survival circuits as a real emergency.

This means your body may respond as if you’re in danger, even when you’re technically safe—and when this happens often, it can take a serious toll on your health and well-being.

The 3 Nervous System States (Polyvagal Theory in Practice)

According to Polyvagal Theory, your nervous system shifts between three main states throughout the day, sometimes quickly and other times more graduallly:

1. Safe (Social/Connected/Rest Mode)In this state, you feel grounded, calm, and engaged. Your breathing is steady. You’re open to connection, creativity, and rest. This is where real healing happens.

2. Stress (Fight or Flight)Here, your body prepares for action. You may feel tense, anxious, or irritable. Your heart rate increases, your muscles tighten, and you might talk fast or get defensive. Even small stressors can activate this response.

3. Shutdown (Freeze/Collapse)When your system feels overwhelmed and escape doesn’t seem possible, it may move into a shutdown state. You might feel foggy, numb, helpless, or detached. Your energy drops and motivation disappears. It can feel like depression, but it’s actually your nervous system going offline for protection.

   
   

A Simple Story of the Nervous System in Action

Imagine you’re driving, talking and laughing with a friend. You’re in that safe, connected zone. Suddenly, a deer runs into the road—you slam the brakes. That’s your stress response kicking in before you even think.

Now imagine you actually hit the deer. The shock hits hard. You feel disoriented, numb, maybe can’t even speak. That’s shutdown.

These nervous system shifts don’t only happen in emergencies. Similar patterns play out in everyday moments—during arguments, in work meetings, even while reading a message that stirs up strong emotion.

Awareness is the First Step

You can't stop Miss Amygdala from doing her job—but you can get to know her.

Begin by asking:

• What state am I in—safe, stress, or shutdown?

• What nervous system state might the other person be in?

That kind of awareness creates space for choice. And choice is where healing begins.

You may not be able to stop your nervous system from reacting—but with awareness and care, you can learn to respond with greater clarity, compassion, and calm.

 A Simple Tool: Box Breathing (4-Count)

When your nervous system is activated- in Stress or Shut Down—your breath is one of the fastest ways to signal safety to your body.

One easy, effective technique is called box breathing (also known as four-square breathing). It's used by everyone from therapists to athletes to Navy SEALs to regulate the nervous system.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Inhale through your nose for a count of 4

2. Hold your breath for a count of 4

3. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 4

4. Hold again for a count of 4

5. Repeat the cycle for at least 3 rounds.

🟦 Picture a square in your mind—each side is one part of the breath. You’re “drawing” the box with your breath, slowly and steadily.

This technique helps bring your nervous system out of a stress or shutdown state and back into safe. It’s simple, portable, and only takes a minute or two—but the effects can be powerful.

You can try it right now.